Post Grad Feels.
The world around me, blurred pixels.
These days I’m absolutely lost.
That kind where you’re in a familiar place, yet it’s no longer familiar.
Where you spin round and round trying to catch a glimpse of something. Just a single object that can bring you back and clear the fog.
I’ve been spinning for a month now.
Still haven’t found a clearing object.
Nothing is the same. It’s vaguely familiar, but it’s NOT the same.
Brother #1. Moved.
Brother #2. Moved.
Best Friend. Moved.
Austin Friends. Moved.
And everyone consoles repeating the same empty words.
“You can make new friends”.
Like making new friends would distract me enough to forget the painful absence of my own siblings.
Or making friends would make me so happy and brand new feeling I would forget the deep sorrow of not having my best friend near by.
Like making new friends was a quick and easy solution.
Cause that’s what we all are looking for… quick and easy solutions.
We ourselves never wanting to be in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar or painful place for too long.
And we as friends and caregivers never wanting to see our loved ones in such places for too long either.
But the problem with that is… it isn’t biblical.
There is a time and season for everything.
But we are scared of it. Even as Christians. We are terrified of it.
It makes us uncomfortable. It makes us feel like less of followers. Weaker. Distrusting. Ungrateful.
So we skip it. We bring in the new as soon as we can so we can skip the mourning.
But there is purpose is mourning.
There is power in mourning.
We should feel comfortable in it. We should feel more like followers. We should feel stronger. We should feel more trusting. And more grateful.
Because we have this father that saw fit for us to have an entire season that we could display our meekness in its greatest form. Display our dependency in its greatest form.
To acknowledge our feelings.
To feel. Sad. Hurt. Abandoned. Lonely. Angry. Bitter. Frustrated.
To simply FEEL.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him…
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken”.
We are safe to feel.
His word promises us this. That we are safe in His presence. For He hears and saves us here. For He answers and delivers here. He draws near to us and protects us here. He blesses us as refugees here.
It is here in mourning and desperation that He meets us. It is here in fear, in trouble, in brokenness that He provides the best of Him.
I am spinning. I am completely lost. I am hurt. I am scared. I am sad.
But I am safe here.
Post Grad Feels.