Standing Still

standing still on green

Standing Still.

There’s nothing worse than standing still.

That horrid antsy feeling that comes over you as you stand in the back of a line, in view of the awaited object, but your heavy boots are plastered to the ground tiles, as you’re sandwhiched between your past position and your future.

I hate standing still.

I was trained to believe movement is success and stillness is failure.

So how can I possibly remain immobile when I hear Him whisper, “Be still.”

How can I willing step into a stance of failure?

How can I can be content… or rather at peace?

….when the medical school application process encroaches on me.

…when a paid job isn’t in sight.

…when all my ducks have fallen completely out of line.

How could a God based in success and victory say in his own word “Be still and know that I am God”.

And suddenly, a light illuminated in my mind to display a memory….

I’m little, standing in line at the store, mustering up as much patience as I can as my tiny feet remain on the same tile for minutes that are passing like hours. My faith dwindles with every tick of the minute.

No movement. Completely stationary. Cement feet.

Then my father just an aisle over waves his 6’2 arm in the air, in victory, as he declares, “I got it!”

All this time as my line showed no sign of future movement and my dream of my awaited price began to fade…my father, though not visible, had moved on my behalf.

Stillness according to the world is the most terrifying thing we could experience, but according to God, stillness is an opportunity to know your God. To see your Father move on your behalf. For your Father to conquer, to fight, to win for your sake. Even if His movement is temporarily hidden from your line of vision.

It’s completely countercultural and borderline illogical for me to remain still as an aspiring med student who is currently unemployed. As an aspiring student scrolling pass the list of payments soon due…MCAT registration, primary application fee, secondary applicant fee, tuition…..

But yet, here I still stand…patiently, as I come to know all of who and what my God is.


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