I’ve been experiencing this spiritual irritability. This irritability that meets me at the end of every bible study, at the end of every faith discussion, at the end of every morning prayer. An irritability that has quickly turned into a subtle anger.
Why was I like this? Why was I constantly feeling this way.
The things that had once left me feeling refreshed, now leaving a salt-filled taste across my lips. Nothing was fulfilling me. None of my questions being answered.
It was if I come eager to feast, stomach rumbling and I was met with a glass of water and a side salad.
It was if I had asked, “where’s the nearest store?” and was met with “don’t give up”.
I left the table, fed, but stomach only mildly filled.
I left the street inspired, but still unaware of where the store stood.
Each scenario creating bitterness in me towards the feeder and direction giver.
They were my friends, they were my colleagues, they were my family. Where was this subtle anger coming from?
As I continued to turn in circles with my stomach still rumbling. I began to understand.
I had come to this place with God in which I required more. I longed for more. My appetite was no longer of a new born. It was at least of a toddler’s.
I needed more. I wanted more.
College had meant 7:30 am wake up calls. Hour long prayer sessions in the library being cut short. Monday leadership meetings, Tuesday prayer, Wednesday Athletes’ bible study, Thursday Black Campus Ministry, Friday and Saturday hangouts, Sunday church.
College meant friendships in which just a single individual could usher you into His presence.
College meant study sessions interrupted by a spiritual encounter.
And here I was months after graduation, hangry because I was being fed on a biweekly basis when I was used to an hourly feeding schedule.
I just want more of God, to see His face and all its detail. To feel His presence with all its warmth. To hear His voice with all clarity.
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ELIZABETH FAITH ❤